i haven’t seen you in a few weeks, but yesterday, it seemed like everything just started back off where we left it. there’s only a few weeks of school left, and i’m so comfortable and happy with everything. i think i finally found what i was looking for- someone i felt comfortable with. maybe this whole time i was searching for something that i thought was worth it, someone who could care about me and give me the emotional support i needed. but honestly, i was deluding myself; i was simply caving into what society told me what i should be searching for. this whole time, all i needed was someone who provided me with familiarity: someone to laugh, joke, chat, miss, and kiss.
i want so little, but so much at the same time. but, you gave me all of it, so thanks for that.
im honestly so sick of taking everyone’s shit and trying to make sure everyone is happy. like just recounting all the events that have happened these few weeks…the world can just go fuck itself.
I miss spending time with you, and I really miss you.
It’s funny how two people meet. Eye contact, hi and hello, get contact numbers, exchange quotes and messages even dropping calls, asking how the day was, giving you a lift, talk til dawn and having meals together. Seems so perfect, right? But try to look deeper, was there a time they talked about how they really feel for each other? Not at all, right? Because a set-up like this is all about playing safe.
looking back on all these random texts and such…i was SO oblivious, SO oblivious. i honestly don’t think i deserve to be a girl sometimes. no wonder why my mom always says so…
in the midst of trying to sort out my feelings, i realize, for a second, that maybe i do like you. the fact that i’m trying to care and initiate communication for the first few times proves to me that i do in fact want this to somehow in its own twisted way- work out. i told myself that i would finally start treating you like a guy that i genuinely had romantic feelings for. i call it trusting you, and giving you everything that you may want. im giving you the complete power to take advantage of my emotions and time, but hoping to my very best that you won’t. i sense the changes that you’re trying to make- you want to spend more time with me, want us to be on equal ground, calling me beautiful, asking for my company. but is that just me overanalyzing? my friends teli me that i’m taking this too seriously, and i realize that I’m purposely doing so. i mean, im usually not the type to take things too seriously, like before, when i completely brushed this whole thing off. but now, its like this little fling has taken on a whole new life, and gives me more hope. that, perhaps, you aren’t just there for the physical stuff, and that i can provide you with the emotional support that i desire, and hopefully you do too.
i am honestly praying that i’m not just harboring false hopes that will just crash and burn in front of me.
